28th August 2021, St Thomas Ardwick, Manchester 1:30 – 5:00 pm
Mary Kachitsa, one of the Directors, set the scene by welcoming all attendees to the session. Thereafter, Eunice Neil opened the session with a prayer. After ticking off a list of house rules, Mary handed over the microphone to Tikhala Chimpango. her co-director. Tikhala then went on to deliver some welcoming remarks.
Tikhala advised the attendees that ARise2 will be winding up in October. She stated that she trusted that discussions between mentors and their mentees were taking place behind the scenes. The October session will invite attendees to highlight the lessons that they have learnt during the workshops. Attendees will also be invited to share experiences gleaned from their mentors, and for those willing, to unveil the various projects and goals that they have come up with.
Tikhala further introduced the session by stating that it is common for mankind to encounter challenges and setbacks. She stated that these experiences should not discourage women, rather, such experiences should act as tools to drive women to delve into their inner strength and to come up with solutions that will enable them to confront the said challenges. Tikhala likened women to the Cullinan Diamonds, which are among the largest clear-cut diamonds ever excavated. The diamonds are made from fossils that were exposed to intense heat. Similarly, challenges and setbacks are the ‘heat’ that women go through. These experiences transform women into worthy ‘diamonds’. She stated that everyone makes mistakes. Therefore, instead of being bogged down by them, mistakes should be viewed as lessons that will polish one to become a better woman.
Mhla Edith
Failure to choose you.
Mhla stated that when people embark on a goal-setting journey, they do not envisage hitting a wall. Challenges and setbacks are ‘walls’ that people come across in life. Challenges are usually risks that pop up, and they can be overcome. Setbacks, on the other hand, are obstacles that threaten to derail the outcome of the set goals. Mhla used her life experience as a case study, focusing on when she became her setback towards the goals that she had set earlier. She encountered family challenges, and this resulted in her failure to pursue her goals. She went through a period of depression. She felt demotivated, unloved, unfocused, and detached from reality. All in all, her ‘diamond’ had been repeatedly chipped to the point that it had turned into dust. She however managed to recover from her setbacks when she got herself out of the situation.
Mhla acknowledged that she had help from her friend. She highlighted that workshops such as Women ARise are important because they help women find a sanctuary that enables them to recapture themselves. The process of letting go leaves a person vulnerable, good company helps to encourage and help the vulnerable to find ways to rescue themselves.
Mhla reiterated that curve balls are challenges that exist. However, various ways can help a woman cope with challenges and setbacks. These are based on self-love. She further shared the following tips: -
· The 80/20 Pareto principle – The rule is usually applied to business management scenarios. The principles can also be applied to personal contexts when one filters through the pros and cons of life and sets definite boundaries that reshape the way that one approaches situations. Mhla advised that there is a need to make a list of the following:
o Things that a woman had done that resulted in letting herself down.
o Things that a woman was in control of but did not do anything about it.
o Things that were in a woman’s control and she did something about them.
o Things that were out of control. These are the setbacks that anyone cannot change. It is advisable to let them go. The comebacks will always be stronger than the setback.
· Other ways to avoid/cope with setbacks include: -
o Self-encouragement.
o Letting go - when uncomfortable, move away from the situation, as this would be the opportunity to take control of one’s life.
o Be aware of setback catalysts and setback habits – for example, the way one talks can discourage opportunities, laziness – not keeping one’s eye on the ball, toxic friends, and stubbornness.
o Always have a to-do list and continue to introspect. Success comes with the right attitude.
Gloria Zimba
I am enough.
Gloria began her presentation with a warmup activity. The point of the activity was to highlight that people have different perceptions towards life. It is therefore imperative to note that fact and understand that visions and goals are unique among individuals. She advised the attendees to be wary of copying other people’s goals.
Honesty
Gloria stated that she has observed that some motivations avoid talking about setbacks. They only focus on their success stories. She affirmed that she believes that the ARise forum is a safe space, where women can be honest with each other.
Gloria also narrated her life story. Despite having a specific checklist for achieving her goals, she ignored them and made choices that were not part of the list. As a result, she started questioning herself and went through a period of depression, until when she revisited her specific list and realised her mistakes. Gloria stated that it is important for women to reevaluate themselves before making final choices because at times, due to desperation or pressure, the choices made can cause one to create setbacks.
Gloria further advised that women should embrace setbacks because they act as learning points. She stated that setbacks are a gift, that allows women to open their mindset and give them opportunities to grow. Quoting Amanda Gorman, Gloria stated ‘There is always light if only you are brave enough to see it’. She provided the following tips that would help people deal with setbacks.
· Hang around people that will lift you.
· Look ahead and keep your eyes on the prize. Have a glance around to see what is happening around you but remain focussed on your specific journey/goal.
· Narrow down the goals – breakdown down the steps that are required to achieve the goal.
· When you try something which is not working, review your strategies.
Principles to follow to ensure that women are cushioned against setbacks: -
· Don’t quit too early – you may need to change direction and strategies to achieve your goals. Open up to like-minded people because they offer help as well as encouragement.
· There is no such thing as failure – Once you know what went wrong, you are unlikely to make the same mistake.
· The past does not equal your future – the inability to meet a goal because of a setback is not a definition of who you are. You are a unique person, just as God intended. No one can put you down unless you allow it.
Gloria stated that the Women ARise platform is, therefore, a good set-up for the principles above.
I am enough
· Gloria advised that one should self-affirm that they are enough when they are feeling down.
· She also stated that people should not be afraid because on the other side of Fear is where their diamonds are.
· She further advised that one should not be afraid to fail but one should be afraid not to try.
It’s okay to ask for help
· Hang around with like-minded people.
· Always have a growth mindset.
· Get a mentor
Gloria encouraged the women to talk about things that build them up. Challenges and setbacks will always be there, but the ARise forum has given them the keys to work on their goals. Gloria concluded with a quote from Emma Watson…
… and her mantra ‘You are brilliant, and you are more than enough.’
Concluding Remarks from Mentors
Tikhala Chimpango reiterated that the project will be wrapping up on the 9th of October. She Invited everyone to attend in person. She further emphasised the need for women to have a growth mindset. She acknowledged that at times, it is difficult to start the journey because of the challenges. She however encouraged them to start from any position where they are at.
Grace Tsipayi stated that setbacks made her the person she is. She has even become better in the areas where she had experienced the said setback. She encouraged the women to stay focused and use Gloria’s self-affirmation tips.
Shamime Jan stated that her setback is a hesitation to move forward with some of her goals. After a meeting with her mentor, they together managed to identify the root cause of her setback: -it is her religious background. She has not allowed herself to advance because she is afraid of getting caught in her pride due to the many opportunities that are coming her way. She convinced the women that having a mentor is important as they help one to identify those issues that cloud the mind.
Mary Kachitsa thanked everyone for attending the session and Shamime closed the session with a prayer.
The next meeting will be held on the 9th of October 2021
Founders: Mary Kachitsa and Tikhala Chimpango.
Trustees: Barbara Makhalira, Tamanda Kalua and Chrissy Mlotha
Funded by The National Lottery
Patricia Kulipa Chimangeni – Women Arise desk
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