Thinking about marriage, brings about many ideas and thoughts but have you ever wondered why people get married? I’ve had this thought for quite some time and I knew I wouldn’t find the answers on my own, so I took the time to ask a few people I know. Not necessarily an exhaustive list but I got answers nonetheless. Now what I was looking for was an honest outlook on marriage and my question was “do you want to get married? And if so, why? This might seem like a simple question because the answers tend to be instantaneous. You would believe the answer is easy because its either been drilled in because of culture or religion. I’m not invalidating religion or culture (well sorry, culture is debatable hehehehehe). Anyway, but this should be a question which should sit you down and turn your brain. Because it will tell you if it will be worth it or you’ll just be wasting your time and your partners.
I am African, so what I will refer to the most is the African point of view, especially from what I know watching what happens around me and what I know about my culture. I’m not stating what I write in thisarticle to be the truth, it’s just an opinion and observation I thought to share. So, without further-a-do let me dive into the particular thoughts of the people I asked this question to
and some follow up questions that came into play.
my first two interviewees were quite similar in their responses and they gave the generic reasoning of fulfilling a religious obligation and biological (so to speak). I don’t mean to invalidate the answers, because as I said it is a personal outlook. The problem with me though is that, as much as religion plays a huge role in our lives, it is also important to reflect as a person, and to know what your strengths and weaknesses are. So on the other hand religion is perfect and on the other we God’s creation are anything but. So having to know why you wish to get into marriage and just rushing to point to religion is rather incomplete, I’m I making sense? Because we all know what our different religions speculate when it comes to how a marriage should be gone about.
So if you are stuck with the notion, it means you yourself do not understand where you connect with the Almighty and what shortcomings or character you might have that would direct you to the type of person you would fit in with, you get? So for further understanding I asked them what they think the roles of a husband and wife are and what they think are their responsibilities. They gave me what they thought and where their comfort lies, but all in all, it is good to know that their hearts are in the right place.
Now on to my next set of science experiments…I mean interviewees (ehem!). these gave me an emotional point of view; which I didn’t know I was looking for until the answer hit me right in the face. They spoke about being able to connect with their spouse on different levels, emotionally, spiritually (religion) and physically. And this now, embodied what I explained previously, yes they have religion but relationships with people don’t just get stuck on religion, because you might share the same religion but if there is nothing outside of that then would you even have anything more to hold on to? Imagine, you pray together yes? And you read verses, speak about the specific rights and responsibilities speculated in the Holy books but after that won’t you just work like robots?
God made us emotional beings, we aren’t meant to be perfect, because we sin and we seek forgiveness and that is how you end up strengthening that relationship with Him. Do forgive, I’m not preaching, just a brief interlude. Anyway, so being the emotional beings that we are, we wish to be understood and to feel safe with our significant others and this comes from the connections stated on the other side of this page. Because let’s be honest, love doesn’t last forever but if you understand each other and are that invested in each other, then you prevail and that love builds up again.
One response also got to me, when I asked what responsibilities does the husband and wife have, the response was that, “whatever it is that they will agree on”. And that I believe was a beautiful outlook, because this means you get to define the marriage in a way you are both comfortable and happy with. Which brings me to my last point.
Culture seems to play a huge role in marriages and I mean on the nosiness of extended family. And there’s these words that are thrown about “our wife” or “my new daughter” this seems great but honestly sometimes they are traps. Like wait, so when I stood before the Lord in His house, I was saying “I do” to the whole family? (que dramatic gasp). You see my point? Because they weren’t there during the courting, neither were they there when the partners spoke about their future together. So trying to tell people how to live their married lives is honestly not right because they can figure out their own issues unless they actually ask for guidance. they are adults are they not?
I always liked to say that females are always abused in culture because there is this babying that is done to the males. And I don’t mean to come for them, no. because they could just be victims of circumstance. Tell me, if parents put as much pressure to males, as they did females in order to be good spouses, what do you think would happen?
I leave that question open for discussion and end my rant with the following words, I know everyone has different views and different situations they were raised in. and like I said, this article and the question that inspired it are based on personal thoughts and feelings so you might disagree or agree and that’s okay. But I believe that for a marriage to succeed people should be connected deeply on the emotional, spiritual and physical aspects because we’re all human and to feel loved and be loved is what makes our hearts feel secure, I mean yes things go wrong and can’t be fixed but I feel if there was this deep understanding then there’s no enmity that bares from the separation because there’s always that agreement that ‘as much as we agree we just don’t fit for a forever’, we still care for each other but we will just do it from afar. And this will be beneficial and healthy not only for the spouses but the children involved as well.
And with that I bid you adieu, until next time. I send you my love and I hope and pray you find your happiness within yourself and with whomever you wish to spend your life with, whether you’ve found them yet or not.
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